iris's blog

hi! this is the archive of what used to be a vox blog. the current thing is on tumblr, which i like much more:

http://goodthingssunday.tumblr.com

true happiness list

+girltalk
+embroidering
+yoga
+swimming
+keeping a tidy house
+dancing
+spooning
+reading novels
+painting my nails
+eating healthy foods
+staying hydrated
+long dog walks through pretty neighbourhoods
+listening to beyonce really loud
+playing records
+tea dates
+riding my bike
+talking to my parents on the phone
+thinking about how i really loved my grandparents & how they really loved me back
+thinking about my friends & how they accomplish so much & how i am proud of them
+thinking about how n. ferrio is a super talented capable inspiring awesome smart dude & how he makes the best eggs
+when all my laundry is put away
+listening to podcasts about mindfulness
+writing letters & sending mail
+embroidering
+taking long baths
+petting cute pets and talking to cool kids (even when they don't talk back yet)
+being responsible with my money & my work
+meditating
+reading theory
+watching bands play
+writing email to julia
+walking outside during a tiny drizzle
+learning how to do new stuff
+good coffee

good things navel-gazing 24 year old edition

It's my 25th birthday tomorrow.

I remember that when I was 19 I thought that IF I was gonna have a baby I wanted to do it before I was 25 or I didn't want to do it at all.

If you know me right now you probably spit out yer drink. That is hilarious. Lately I've been coming around to the baby train again, but I am more like, "If I don't have a baby before I'm 45 I don't think I wanna have one at all." Mostly I want to hang out with the amazing little persons created by the amazing larger persons around me. (Dear Des & Ryan, the morning I found out Gretchen was born changed my life, too. I hope you know that.)

But that is all an aside. 25 sounds old. Nineteen year old me thought I would have accomplished more, obviously, and 22 year old me might have been able to do it, but 24 year old me was pretty sad and pretty lost, for the most part. Right now I have some idea of what I want to accomplish but this year I need to psych myself up to really spell out what that is and work on it and do it. I think I am ready. The last couple of months in this adoptive hometown have felt like advance training for just that.

I have thinking about whether there is such a thing as a responsibility to oneself with respect to self-care. Sometimes people just can't do anything to make themselves better. There are a lot of variables about access and ability and knowledge and resources and energy and inspiration and help and wealth that go into taking care of a person. One time when I was younger I took existentialism class & freaked the fuck out because taking care of a person - taking care to make yourself into a person, perpetually - is a lot of work. It scares and overwhelms me a lot, and also makes me appreciate my own parents and parents I know. Persisting in being is tough business, & helping others to persist in their own being & becoming is tougher still.

In any case though, I have been wondering a lot about myself. Why is it that I know about the things that make me feel good & energized & inspired & happy & don't actually do those things? Why do I have dreams I don't fulfill?

I think there is probably some responsibility that I have for taking up those small tasks if I can manage to. I know for sure that when I feel bad I have chosen to do so, to some extent, if I don't do the things that I know work to restore myself to some sort of equilibrium. I know that I rely heavily on others for support, and that is draining for my (enormous number of totally generous) friends and family, too, as well as on myself. So I have been trying to move on & do things & wake up & see the day & do the right best thing. Perhaps this summer hasn't been as much of a break from philosophy as I've let on.

This year I did a lot of new things though:

-became one of those "but in my hometown..." type of people
-found an amazing queer community
-learned about how best friendships are sustained online (thanks julia & meaghan kelly & ptbo pals)
-learned about academia & also married people
-saw a therapist
-did a lot of volunteering
-learned about how to have a dog & then how to enjoy having a dog
-negotiated a lot of relationshippy changes & arrived at the happiest point yet
-learned a lot a lot a lot about anti-oppression stuff (from blogs! thanks a lot philosophy MA)
-internalized really helpful fat acceptance stuff that has improved my life immeasurably
-missed making coffee for other people
-learned to love my short hair
-became really obsessed with bruce springsteen. Here is a very sweaty live performance of The River from '85.

26 is my champagne birthday (26 on the 26th!). This year I feel quiet and contemplative and retrospective. I hope next year feels triumphant.

 

good things monday

+ happy birthday mom! i love you. i am excited for fam. hangouts tomorrow.
+ onslaught of virgo birthdays commences
+ nick & mike ran an awesome music festival thurs & friday & saturday nights. it was incredible & i was happy (and exhausted and drunk) to help out.
+ great bands are great
+ awesome friends who are excited to see great bands are also awesome and great
+ a big rainstorm meant having a fun double date for all you can eat sushi. pumpkin tempura? oh yeah.
+ big rainstorm = four cheap motel rooms in london ontario & many people crammed into one room watching millionaire matchmaker and drinking coolers made with malt liquor. oh my. best camping trip ever?
+ got a lot of work done today
+ dropped off many clothes swap leftovers at st v. de p
+ loretta lynn & nick's new collection of l.l. records
+ nick likes to whistle & that's how i know where he is
+ drunkenly bought some art this weekend
+ i love my dog & she has her appetite back! aww.
+ putting the finishing touches on our moving plans. so excited to be in the first apartment that nick and i both picked out to live in together. we have lived together for so long & never apartment hunted before!
+ after months of searching, finally found a glass pitcher to put iced tea in
+ also found a set of coat hooks where the hooks are shaped like little duck faces. i don't know where my wooden duck obsession came from. apparently other people don't quite understand it.
+ went to superstore & delicious pc brand herbal tea was on sale. echinacea and lemon.
+ excited about arthur starting up & my awesome friends who are running it
+ excited about the delicious caramel corn i ate yesterday
+ excited that i feel relaxed enough to be reading blogs after putting in a good day of work today
+ really excited about my family being here soon. i love them! i do.
+ feel apathetic about my birthday this year & feel apathetic about figuring out why. i love the people around me all the time and they love me back. how's that for a 365 day party of awesome? i think it is
+ haircut this week is so neccessary i can't begin to explain to you how necessary it is.

it is 1:30pm on sunday, again

and yep, everyone is sleeping. what the.

+ took geraldine for a big long walk this morning around east city. i love it there. i like having a dog because it gives me a good excuse to indulge my need to look at other people's houses and gardens and living rooms (don't tell anyone, but I am looking in all the windows)
+ mint green nail polish
+ figured out the ideal grind for ideal espresso. yeah. i <3 dreams of beans & local roasted coffee a lot.
+ watched gumnaam yesterday. it was so super bad, but the opening dance number is the one featured in ghost world, and it was great. i should have just watched that on repeat for two and a half hours.
+ trip to east city bakery with des this week. i had never been there before and that was, to put it lightly, a huge mistake
+ went to the rock camp for girls "big gig" on friday. it was adorbs. and totally awesome. i am noticing more women in the ptbo music scene in general lately, too, which is tremendous. still, my favourite song went "r-o-c-k, r-o-c-k rock! / p-a-r-t-y, p-a-r-t-y, party!" those kids know what's what.
+ listening to rae spoon's newest album and my favourite song so far is "You Can Dance."
+ 99% sure we got the world's most perfect (for us) apartment - still have to sign a lease next week. but anyway. i can go back to looking at antique desks on kijiji and leave the apartments alone.
+ found this tumblr that is just pretty pictures of tea. it is called, "Hi!, Tea!" Sometimes that's what you want in life.
+ i have switched to just drinking a shot of gin over ice with some limes. cheapest, best.
+ spent most of the week transcribing video/audio of improvised music sessions and it is so awesome to check out.
+ watched "I've loved you so long" with my pal meaghan this week. it had one of the world's most beautiful swimming pools in it for scenes with the two sister protagonists talking about shit that def. passed the bechdel test. most amazing French styling & so sad. i like movies that are made for contemplative people. loved real-life girl talk too.
+ saw all girl band for the first time in about a year and they have become MORE BADASS THAN EVER BEFORE. omgz. what is awesome is a) julia fenn b) julia playing in an adorable awesome country band and then c) switching to a totally different genre where the lyrics are such that i will not repeat them because i am pretty sure that my dad still reads this blog.
+ new clothing swap finds are awesome.

it is 1:30pm on sunday, again

and yep, everyone is sleeping. what the.

+ took geraldine for a big long walk this morning around east city. i love it there. i like having a dog because it gives me a good excuse to indulge my need to look at other people's houses and gardens and living rooms (don't tell anyone, but I am looking in all the windows)
+ mint green nail polish
+ figured out the ideal grind for ideal espresso. yeah. i <3 dreams of beans & local roasted coffee a lot.
+ watched gumnaam yesterday. it was so super bad, but the opening dance number is the one featured in ghost world, and it was great. i should have just watched that on repeat for two and a half hours.
+ trip to east city bakery with des this week. i had never been there before and that was, to put it lightly, a huge mistake
+ went to the rock camp for girls "big gig" on friday. it was adorbs. and totally awesome. i am noticing more women in the ptbo music scene in general lately, too, which is tremendous. still, my favourite song went "r-o-c-k, r-o-c-k rock! / p-a-r-t-y, p-a-r-t-y, party!" those kids know what's what.
+ listening to rae spoon's newest album and my favourite song so far is "You Can Dance."
+ 99% sure we got the world's most perfect (for us) apartment - still have to sign a lease next week. but anyway. i can go back to looking at antique desks on kijiji and leave the apartments alone.
+ found this tumblr that is just pretty pictures of tea. it is called, "Hi!, Tea!" Sometimes that's what you want in life.
+ i have switched to just drinking a shot of gin over ice with some limes. cheapest, best.
+ spent most of the week transcribing video/audio of improvised music sessions and it is so awesome to check out.
+ watched "I've loved you so long" with my pal meaghan this week. it had one of the world's most beautiful swimming pools in it for scenes with the two sister protagonists talking about shit that def. passed the bechdel test. most amazing French styling & so sad. i like movies that are made for contemplative people. loved real-life girl talk too.
+ saw all girl band for the first time in about a year and they have become MORE BADASS THAN EVER BEFORE. omgz. what is awesome is a) julia fenn b) julia playing in an adorable awesome country band and then c) switching to a totally different genre where the lyrics are such that i will not repeat them because i am pretty sure that my dad still reads this blog.
+ new clothing swap finds are awesome.

gloomy good things sunday

+ me and my exhausted friends all woke up to the sound of a heavy downpour this morning. based on what my fbook wall looks like, everyone is a bit relieved and happy at the idea of staying in with a book or sleeping in a bit longer. everyone in my house is still sleeping at 1:30 in the afternoon. I am up doing some research work and listening to the rain.
+ i realized that you don't find this blog if you google my name but you do if you google nick's. i tend to talk about him by his full first-and-last name, i suppose, & with love, often, here. sorry nick about ruining your internet anonymity because i am talking about how much i love making out with you. (oops!)
+ misadventures in becoming a morning person are mostly successful. getting up early is pretty easy, it's going to sleep early that's hard.
+ days like today i want to give so much love to my home espresso machine. thank you so much, steamer of chai lattes. i love you.
+ nick ferrio (there i go again) made me a root beer float yesterday. he is the best.
+ geraldiner
+ The Kindness Killers are the latest (and greatest) musical venture that Nick has gotten himself into. So amazing.

peterborough love letter

best things sunday

apparently, it isn't too late to take a course with your favourite prof that you never had a class with. all you have to do is talk to a friend about school, get too drunk, and send an email that says, basically, "this is crazy, but can i crash your course?" i hope my pals don't mind too much since they are being graded and paying tuition and things like that. i will have to bring snacks. right now i am reading a chapter out of bhabha's "signs taken for wonders". I am so happy about it. also I read "through black spruce" this weekend and it was great.

have this song stuck in my head. i had totally forgotten about it. the thing about those arts and crafts bands is that they sneakily lie dormant in your subconscious until some girlpoppy line runs through your head, years and years later.

i love and miss nick ferrio so much. seriously, okay, he just came on gchat and i felt waves unparalleled happiness, but then he told me that he spent last night drinking gin with fred penner and i felt waves of unparalleled jealousy.

my pal dahn had the world's smallest impromptu bake sale today and i think we really ought to keep it going. world's smallest lemonade stand?

my mom is gonna get a second puppy. i kinda love puppies. this morning i woke up and geraldine was being the little spoon. i am a dog convert, okay? if your boyfriend is gonna go on tour a lot you had better have a golden retriever

so much great talk about bodies and fat acceptance today. i feel a lot better about life since i started swimming in my ridiculous ruffly bikini. and biking a lot. and thinking about going to the gym. and sometimes actually going.

 

good things peterborough

I've been starting these posts and not finishing them because the exposition feels like too much work. I write good things posts to remind myself of awesome stuff when I feel not awesome. When I do, the immediateness and vastness and depth of that gratitude is too big to write down. It lingers; I don't have to call it up. But I do want to have something written here - reading this blog is, for myself, another great feel-better strategy. So, in very point form, no exposition included, totally random order:

-starfish floating in the river
-becoming a dog loving person
-coffee everywhere
-mom's homemade cookies
-ridiculous bikini shopping
-gin evenings
-trent radio
-sadleir house
-alt. libraries
-babies
-body comfort
-lots of time for thinking lots of thoughts
-friends who are immediately available! friends everywhere
-looked at an apartment that contained, among other things, a clawfoot tub on a pedestal at the entrance and a fucking BALLROOM as an art studio
-thinking about tattoos
-contemplating the difference between giggling and laughing
-lady friends.
-reading best blogs
-kraft dinner on sale
-turning old acquaintences into friends
-live music outside, for free
-sadleir house's distinctive smell
-farmer's marketing
-rainboots
-blended frozen iced coffee
-whole apartment to myself

two cities good things

there's no place like home, & i am moving back!

but first, some guelph good things, for good measure:
+ planet bean cappuccinos. I am sitting in the red brick right now thinking about planet bean cappuccino.
+ readily available health foods
+ had a beautiful backyard picnic the other day. actually just arrived home and many cool people were barbequeing dinner & drinking beers on our balcony and on the lawn. it is beautiful there. without question.
+ excellent after-the-bar snacking opportunities
+ do love browsing at the bookshelf
+ went to this "zen garden" place the other night. LOVED it. loved it. it is all vegetarian, and no one ever mentions going there. ate purple rice & fancy mushrooms stir-fried in seaweed. oh my gosh.
+ such quick and understandable bus service. you folks complaining that it is half an hour now have no idea.
+ barbershop haircuts! feel totally successful about those.

still, i am looking forward to:
+ living in the same house as my boyfriend and my puppy and NO ONE ELSE. damn! looking extra forward to apartment hunting with him. subletting apartment has LAUNDRY and a PANTRY omg.
+ being able to go to the y again
+ running into people i know in the street all the time
+ having to choose between awesome things to do and see every day
+ good coffee all over
+ have you seen! omg.
+ being able to watch gretchen grow up in person as well as on the internets
+ starting up some new projects
+ the only patio