iris's blog

good things what-day-is-it-anyway edition

+ my family, you guys, they are the best. totally saved my ass this week. and are they fun people or what? yes, they are. i don't know that they know just how lucky i feel. plus they are all cool people, who gets to say that? (hi dad).

+ really great counselling session this week. i lucked into a great therapist. i thought a lot before talking about this on my blog, but I can't tell you how cool it is to have an expert on my team of people who have my back. if you have access to free therapy, you should try it out if you can find someone great. especially from the looks of this blog (which is there for a theraputic remember-not-everything-sucks purpose), it might not seem like i really am fucked up enough to warrant a therapist, but hey. i think everyone should get to do this if it would work for them.

+ thinking about post-graduation post-guelph plans. the where and the who parts of that are especially great.

+ really brave and cute dudes.

+ new babies. hi pearl, one day i wanna hang with you.

+ have been having really nice sitting and chatting, sitting and crafting, hanging out drinking hot tea with booze type evenings, two nights in a row. that is a lot like how i thought guelph would be, and it has made me super happy. especially since the people involved have been so cool.

+ bought one of those flavoured kombucha drinks today. i have wanted to try kombucha forever! it is good. i would like to try to make "real" kombucha sometime.

+ also bought tempeh with buckwheat in it and oh my god. so tasty.

+ someone recommended grooveshark.com to me and it is helping me out of my music rut

+ i just got skype and that is really fun. skype with me please.

good things sunday

+ Nick Ferrio has taken over my computer habits. Have you seen his tumblr yet? Also, today he facebook-statused his own Good Things Sunday before I could even get to mine.

+ soul music. Dude, Ferrio is starting a soul band, and he sent me this mega-list of soul songs to listen to, courtesy of holy soul.

+ I really love tumblr.

+ feminist hulk's twitter feed is all kinds of hilarious: HULK PONDER CAPITALISM'S COMPLICITY IN PATRIARCHY. HULK SMASH FOR FREE.

+ bought a fancy webcam so that i can do research; also, chatroulette; also, use some cool software to play improvised music on the computer with my nose

+ figuring out my priorities

+ had a nice Guelph afternoon, though a solitary one as ever: drank some coffee at planet bean, bought some day-old yet still delicious and organic bread for $1.50, wandered around

+ finally got a public library card. had never been there before. i like public libraries far more than university ones because they are person-sized. the scale is better. i got super lost in their stack of cookbooks, in the best way possible. also, probably the best collection of dvds i have ever seen at a library. so much criterion! so much hitchcock! so much britcom! I think I have the movie-watching taste of an old lady, but I was happy. Extra-excellent documentary section.

+ don't worry, I watched the finales of both project runway and antm, and now I can have my life back

+ fell asleep last night on the couch in a leopard print snuggie with a plate of unfinished cookies, watching a margaret cho dvd. i might be a person with very few friends who spends every night alone, but at least i do it in style (kind of)

+ also, peterborough. good gravy. i can't even go into detail or i might start weeping, but i love that city. i need to move back home. pronto.

good things monday

such an unexpected mother's day weekend. belly dance. puppies. homemade ice cream cake. snow. lots of sarcastic family bonding. a mochaccino from tim horton's that wasn't disgusting. SNOW. ahh.

FOUND PERFECT SHOES x 2. I think I have been to many websites, three malls in three cities, many, many, many shoe stores, and finally got some okay-quality well-fitting interesting-but-not-too-clunky black flats. they have studs on them, because i am a tough lady. do not fuck with me, okay.

and mom bought me some sneakers too. new lower profile converse which i am gonna embroider.

other things:

+perfect grey-purple manicure AND setting up a secret (well, not anymore) drawer in my desk that is full of nothing but nail polish. best study break stash ever. i feel like claudia from the babysitter's club. except maybe i need to stuff some candy in that drawer too.
+ red bean popsicles taste a bit like... espresso? chocolate covered coffee beans? i'm into it.
+ mom bought me a great vintage lampshade for a lamp that didn't have one. then we drove to a lamp store and bought a new saddle, and dad found me a harp and a finial for it. i got out the screwdriver and figured it out - even though it meant messing with some dangerous electrical-looking parts. without my parents i would have given up, but instead i have an iris-approved reading lamp. and i know all these words for bits of a lamp
+ ate some tasty things.
+ new futon is badass. some of the best sleep ever (and many naps)
+ i can read in bed with the head inclined, like it is an ultramatic bed or some shit
+ i really missed geraldine, and her owner
+ tea with lauren elliott
+ ate some best food ever - best sushi and best thai food (in guelph so far)
+ great chats about life-changing books
+ exciting (ish) summer plans: i am going to go camping for the first time since grade seven or so.
+ got to drive the car to the good lcbo this week & am enjoying the fruits of their much improved beer selection. yeah!
+ nick found the missing part to set up my laptop speakers. double yeah!
+ hearing all these anecdotal stories about my ptbo friends' successes. no wonder we don't hear from each other often enough, you are all busy being awesome

potential future ptbo trip: fuck yeah

awesome things tuesday

Have you people all seen this blog? I really should have pitched my book deal way earlier. But no, it is pretty cool.
1000 Awesome Things, everyone. It has given me lots of ideas about things to talk about in this here blog.

+ new long-anticipated haircut! one day i will take a picture for you, the internet.

+ 2 o'clock coffee: lots of coffee makes me do zany things like not eat and get stressed and then sad. but good coffee is so good. oh dear. i am trying to learn about pleasure in moderation and one way of learning that is thinking all morning about how great the americano that i will make myself is gonna be awesome. and so will the one i have... tomorrow. tomorrow! not in another hour, heavens.

+ new tea: dudes i am tea obsessed (how else can you cut back on coffee?) i finally went to the tea store i have been avoiding because I knew I would end up spending a ton of money. it was true, there are a lot of free samples. and, indeed, i spent a lot of money. but i am unrepentant! i got some honey mate and also some sort of auervedic nighttime tea and also some loose lavender, which the lady working there told me was good for cookies. I KNOW THAT, lady, you're right, flower-food is so cool.

+batman bandaids to keep my stitches sanitary. i am really tough, you know (and they were on sale)

+ uh, i just got to spend a few days with my family while they waited on me hand and foot and drove me to appointments and made me chocolate peanut butter pudding from scratch (after making multiple trips for chocolate peanut butter ice cream and coming up short) and spoiled me rotten. it was pretty great to get to hang out with such cool people who like me so much. i am a bit blown away by it (hi mom and dad, you are awesome, hi reilly, you too)

+ didn't do too anything embarrassing while the anesthesia was wearing off last week (thank goodness, dude.)

+ blender! last year my blender caught fire and i haven't bought a new one. but with fewer teeth comes an extra blender. back on the green smoothie bandwagon, you can't stop me. today: celery, spinach, banana, peaches, fancy hemp protein powder. tasty. also it is kinda cool to see how much liquid is hidden in plants, i didn't add any milk or nothin'

i am just about food, obviously. which is cool because uh, food is your body and you are your body too. WHOA.

alright back to grading.

good things sunday - hey it's actually sunday

+ still stoked about food. yesterday i made polenta which i was absolutely alone in enjoying. i did not know that leftover polenta moulded itself into fun shapes! what a missed opportunity. i have so much left, in a huge tupperware-shaped cube, and I have no idea what to do with it.

+ BUT: today's breakfast - pear slices, leftover polenta "steaks" pan fried (i wrote "pan friend!") in some olive oil, this badass zucchini frittata thing that i maybe invented myself (fry grated zucchini and some onion in a pan, season with black pepper, thyme and fresh basil, add the sort of egg&milk combination you would use to make omelettes.)
I AM A GENIUS.

+ routines are nice. like this one: wake up, fill teapot with warm water, turn on kettle, take dog out, come back to boiling kettle, make tea, meditate for ten minutes, drink a really nice cup of tea.

+ i think i am still too stressed for the meditation to be working, but i have done it for five days in a row - usually the persistence fizzles out before now...

+ my MA seminar is finished! i actually never have to attend class ever again (except as a TA). some parts of my academic career are winding down and i am kind of enjoying it.

+ a really enjoyable job interview that made me really, really excited. and so hopefully i will be able to do meaningful work this summer.

+ thinking seriously about painting my office the same colour of pinkish-orange as at the planet.

+ planning to grow a herb garden on my porch this summer

+ summer semester doesn't start until the middle of may. I am taking those weeks off, you can bet on it. ptbo visits, hopefully.

+ strangely looking forward to sitting around watching movies and eating popsicles post-wisdom-teeth

good things on thursday again!

+ old friends! so nice when you don't have to do anything spectacular to have a lot of fun with people you really love. good times going for walks & chatting on my porch & cooking vegetarian feasts.

+ veggie breakfast. i am not particularly a huge breakfast food fan but yesterday I assembled: ginger tea (real ginger that i chopped and threw into a teapot) with loose green tea, bowl of granola with lemon yogurt and strawberries, really lovely $$ whole wheat and flax bread with two kinds of jam (lavender and violet jam), more berries, some banana. so amazing.

+ again on its own line: lavender and violet jam. i have a lavender obsession, it is unstoppable. especially an edible lavender obsession.

+ my springtime health kick led to me keeping up on doing nice things for my skin. things like sunscreening and moisturizing. but then i got a brutal itchy scaly rash from something i owned. today on recommendation i bought some almond oil instead and it is pretty great. no itching whatsoever. i really like the idea of using something with one (non-tested on animals, non-chemical) ingredient.

+ this week i went for a walk with my best friend and partner and dog and roommate, walked through my favourite guelph neighbourhood, got some ice cream, came home, sat on my porch - pretty lights on, tapedeck plugged in - and ate jelly beans and drank tea with three of my best friends.... in matching cheetah print snuggies. three people, three snuggies, no problem.

+ for some reason, when school gets busiest, there are so many more opportunities to socialize. i have no idea why this is. but last night i ended up sitting in a very empty bar with some very great philosophy people, & we were all bought shots by some quite inebriated older bar patrons. strange. drunk!

+ yesterday i took my bff and my pup tresspassing through the grounds of this very beautiful and very old property (i think it is a private mental health facility now)... they have a miniature labyrinth. they have so many pretty buildings. there were daffodils blooming in the forest surrounding the path we followed. it was adorable. it is a five minute walk away from my house. guelph is just old enough to provide a lot of gawking-at-architecture entertainment, thank goodness.

+ meditation class. i signed up on a whim when i saw a poster in my laundrymat. the first (of four) classes was this week and it was pretty darn spectacular. reminded me a lot of what i used to get out of yoga class (which I would still do if I could afford it, geez!) i am planning to keep up with that habit.

+ situps! it is pretty fun to pull out my mat and try out some crunches. goodness knows my posture could really use some improving and my core muscles could use the attention. i am doing some kind of program that promises to get me doing 200 in six weeks. i don't know about that, but it would be cool.

joanna newsom is a smart lady

there are so many things that are not okay and that will never be okay again, but there’s also so many things that are okay and good that sometimes it makes you crumple over with being alive. we are allowed such an insane depth of beauty and enjoyment in this lifetime. there’s so many joys that do not assist in the propagation of the race or self-preservation. there’s no point whatsoever. they are so excessively, mind-bogglingly joy-producing that they distract from the very functions that are supposed to promote human life. they can leave you stupefied, monastic, not productive in any way, shape or form. and those joys are there and they are unflagging and they are ever-growing. and still there are these things that you will never be able to feel okay about; unbearably awful, sad, ugly, unfair things.”

—	Joanna Newsom

happiness and satisfaction

this winter has been long & hard. right now the weather is beautiful & i think i might jump out of my skin with hedonistic delight. something kicked me into gear & got me feeling like i had to figure out how to enjoy my life - and how to have a life that is worth enjoying (one that aligns with my politics, especially.)

i haven't figured it out. but i am reading a lot about concepts like self-actualization & i am trying some experiments. in fact, i am trying to follow but not deconstruct them, to follow and enjoy them. i have made a few decisions. things are going okay.

1. i am trying to do this flylady housecleaning thing. for a couple of reasons. first of all, complaining about a messy house is so arduous, and, also, living in a messy house is about the least inspiring thing ever - and my "inspiring" threshold is low, right now, mostly, "makes me want to get out of bed" is an improvement.

you might google this flylady system & see what you think. i am telling you that the only way i am critically engaging with it is by ignoring anything that seems problematic, which is actually a majority of the day-to-day content. what i like about it is that it foregrounds the idea that sometimes, doing the same thing over & over is in fact a way to accomplish pretty revolutionary stuff (i am learning to be good with routines) and that also, doing a little bit over time is a way to get good quality results without exhausting yourself (i am learning not to do things at the last minute and to allow my pessimistic tendencies to mellow out.)

1b) there are all these rules that I am giving myself; they are pretty cute rules. make the bed every day. do all the dishes before you sleep. keep the sink and the tabletops clear. get dressed as soon as possible after you get up. drink a glass of water before anything else.

this one is big: don't procrastinate about anything that will take you under two minutes to accomplish. but also: try to do one thing at a time.

2. food changes. 1) i am eating a (mainly) vegetarian diet again, & am trying to eat things that are as whole and unprocessed as possible. since i am really really really thinking about attunement and productivity and calmness and contentment, i am really noticing when instant-gratification foods ruin my day. all that refined sugar that i love makes me feel totally exhausted and useless twenty minutes later.

i have been vegetarian before, & really loved eating that way. now that i am doing it again, it feels very creative & it has me focussing on vegetables. since it is springlike outside i am pretty stoked about new produce. lately i have been having these plant-y cravings that i love: zucchini! avocado! yellow pepper! bok choy! plums! (all winter, my body wanted pizza, crackers, coffee, a nap, thirteen hours of sleep.) the difference in my mood is overwhelming, and i feel like my brain is being just a little bit more creative. i am looking forward to eating the local, seasonal versions of these foods.

b) food changes the second: it can be hard to figure out what to do about feeling unhealthy and having a commitment to fat activism. do i sneakily hope to get skinnier by eating healthily? i don't know. maybe. i do know though that having a goal of eating the thing my body wants most when my body most wants it is an easy goal to achieve, & one that you can start over all the time. do i buy donuts at the market? no. there we go, goal accomplished. should i eat ice cream or fruit? plums! goal accomplished. just keep having the same goal over time. do i put sugar in this cup of coffee? no! okay. finished.

c) water! okay, really i would like to drink close to however much water you are supposed to in a day. for the longest time I was mostly drinking coffee and beer, and both of those are really dehydrating. but instead due to the little rule above i have been chugging water like crazy and it is kinda addictive. delicious. i just normally don't have that "i'm thirsty!" feeling but this good water habit is making my body send that message to my brain a lot more often. i wake up thirsty. it is a new thing. also, i am sticking by the advice of a nutritionist who told me that decaf tea, without milk or sweetener, counts as water, so i am choosing tea more. i reorganized our tea cupboard (may all homes have such a thing) and it is like a cornucopia of amazing in there. right now i am having ginger tea with turmeric in it and it is lovely and invigorating.

good things thursday

Oh dear. Sometimes I think about updating this on Thurs. but then I get grumpy because it's gala darling's good things day. Not that listing shit you like is revolutionary, but I have totally been doing this forever. Gala is on my shit list & so I don't want to participate in her stupid day. Mrr.

ANYWAY:

I feel super great lately!

I switched back to eating mainly vegetarian food. I am not going to get too stressy about it; however, it has given me a ton of cooking inspiration. Since the weather changed over I am trying to just eat whole foods & drink a lot of water. For the first time ever I know what the "thirsty" feeling is. IT IS AWESOME.

For example for brunch today I ate: mashed sweet potatoes with rosemary (leftovers from some other dinner); scrambled egg with: black beans, lentils, mushrooms, red pepper, spinach, grape tomatoes, salsa (leftover from when I ate the same mixture STUFFED INSIDE AN ACORN SQUASH for dinner last night), with some avocado slices on the top and a handful of strawberries.

And for lunch, carrots and hummus, and a really great latte.

YOU WISH YOU WERE ME.

Have also been spending a ridiculous amount of time spring cleaning my house instead of studying. I put my winter coats away yesterday & got out my flats and sandals. Yay!

Have also been listening to records a lot.

Have also been wearing shimmery pink lipstick. Am enjoying it. (AND sunscreen, that's right, yes, sunscreen.)

Have been following the instructions of a shudderingly-terrible website about how to keep yer house clean. It is nice, having a tidy house. And I get to feel grateful that my life is not as scary as what the website thinks it is.

Next week is going to be so badass: visits with julia & emilia, parties x a lot, last week of classes, so much studying, an unbelievable amount of studying, hopefully with beer, hopefully on the porch.

I did my taxes and it was easy.

I am signed up for a meditation class next week & will go once a week for a month. It is really cheap; I hope I will like it.

Have been seeing lots of friends and that is nice to be able to do. I really love the friends that I've made here. So great to have a few reliably smart, feminist, fashionable, kind, badass people around.

Nick convinced me to share his onion rings last night and they were delicious.

Hey everybody - avocadoes.

Okay my life is just about food. Ha!

good things sunday

+ really, really good philosophy. that i & a lot of talented people helped to organize & write & speak & discuss. really good feminist, collaborative vibes. really a lot of laughing during discussions. so pleasant. if only all philosophy was this way.
+ eating all the leftovers of tasty food i cooked myself
+ geraldine's velvety nose
+ sitting and eating and laughing with the few great people of guelph. it was nice! i am poor now.
+ free cupcakes at parties
+ wearing a funny outfit and getting compliments from strangers
+ watching friends get tipsy and affectionate
+ talking to my mom and dad on the phone.
+ new-to-me office furniture!
+ registered for a meditation class starting in april
+ changed my web browser to this fancy, flowery thing thanks to firefox's new updates
+ am getting a bit better at getting slightly ahead on my homework
+ springing forward! it is still light outside.
+ reading novels in the laundrymat
+ good coffee
+ watching everyone get into a frenzy looking for themselves on google earth (and finding themselves too)
+ family visit next week in honour of A NEW PUPPY. stoked.
+ beautiful walks home in the snow
+ classes are getting slightly more interesting toward the end
+ have been trying to eat more whole foods (forget about that cupcake above!) and it feels nice to do
+ reminiscing! julia posted quebec photos and i am looking at a lot of sappy pictures. am trying to rustle up a road trip for this summer time too with many more stops.